In this week’s Slice, Gasant Abarder reflects on how cruel some of the Cape Flats nicknames can be – almost always focusing on someone’s worst physical attribute – and how he has (almost) grown into his ears to avoid an awful nickname of his own.
Abarder, who recently launched his book, Hack with a Grenade, is among the country’s most influential media voices. Catch his weekly column here, exclusive to Cape {town} Etc.
A tweet the other day reminded me just how cruel kids on the Cape Flats can be when dishing out nicknames. Your nickname will almost always be derived from your least impressive physical attribute. In my case, it was my bigger-than-usual ears so I was called ‘Ore’.
So, for example, if you have a big head, then your nickname is Koppe. If your head is big and rather elongated it could be Spares. Then there is Tande for someone with big teeth, Lange for a tall chap, or Eier if you’re on a bit of the chubbier side.
A conversation on the Cape Flats could go something like this: “My bru, do you know Piele? He is in and out there by Toete. Sometimes, he even visits Holle, man. You know him, bru. He lives upstairs from Eier them and when he gets excited, he soema spits!”
Then there are the more problematic ones. A coloured Cape Flats resident who has a fair complexion is inevitably called Boere. Or if he happens to be of the darker shade, then it’s Blackie. And yes, sometimes the nickname for the latter is regrettably the K-word.
And the nickname will stick for the rest of your life if you can’t manage to contain it within your circle of friends. Some people are so used to being called by their nicknames, they don’t even answer to their real names.
As Gaynor Appels reflected on this particular Twitter thread:
“My mom was a Grade 1 teacher and apparently on the first day of school, Piele (and) Koekie also didn’t know their real names and would proudly introduce themselves as such.”
Now for the uninitiated – for example a Cape Flats football team playing away at Meadowridge FC – these nicknames may leave the opponents and the soccer moms and dads flabbergasted as the visiting team refer to each other by their nicknames during the match.
So, let me take a second to offer a glossary:
- Piele (Penis)
- Toete/Koekie (Vagina)
- Holle (Bums)
- Eier (Egg)
- Boere (Light-skinned individual)
- Blackie (Dark-skinned individual)
My question on this thread thus was: if the nickname is Piele, Toete or Koekie, how did whoever gave the nickname know? A question for the ages…
These nicknames also came with certain negative connotations with the older generation of Cape Flats folks.
If Boere came to visit as a suitor for their daughter, the family would be excited because he was fair and so had to be a good guy. But if Blackie tried to date the daughter, there may not have been the same level of excitement.
The aunty may remark about Boere, “Hayi, he is so nice and light of complexion, hey?” But the aunty may say to her niece when Blackie visits: “But he’s so dark… are you sure you like him?”
Never mind the chap’s character.
Then your nickname could be given by order of birth.
The eldest son in the family is always Boeta. And the eldest sister is Tietie. Another popular nickname is Ballie or Ballas and usually given to toddlers. It’s cute at the time but the name sticks so don’t be surprised when you visit Athlone or Mitchells Plain and run into a grown-ass man called Ballie. (And if you do run into Ballie, please use protection).
Apart from nicknames, there is the rich Cape Flats dialect, which is often referred to as kombuis (kitchen) Afrikaans. It’s a wonderful thing.
There are things you can say in kombuis that just doesn’t have the same impact when said in English.
If you want to start a fight (or have a death wish), be sure to tell someone “Jou ma se p@3$.” It is the ultimate insult on the Flats. Translated, it is simply, “Your mother’s vagina.” See what I mean?
The kombuis version just slaps differently and can lead to fatalities or permanent family rifts.
Then, there is the dialect called Gayle where gay people on the Cape Flats use women’s names to refer to things. A Hazel is a bum, to Carol is to cry and to Nita is for the act of making love.
So, next time you’re in the Cape Flats and hear someone bellow, “Yay, Ballie. Come here quick, now.” Don’t be alarmed. Or, if you meet someone called Piele in a dark alley don’t let the name scare you.
Oh, and I’ve since grown into my ears. I think. But now that you know, don’t you dare!
#SliceofGasant
Picture: Wikimedia